Sunday, July 15, 2007
memory gap
this is weird.I clearly remember that I posted an entry few days back but I didnt appear on my blog page.anyway,I was just simply talking about Term three and my term exams.Everything was ok I suppose because I got 2Ds and 2As,pretty extreme huh.I still have LIT paper left,which we will get back sometime this week.so I got D for MATH N GP big deal,but at least I got A for ECONS N GEOG yeah?and excuse me,geog is not as simple as you think because there was a hell lot of stuff to memorise and to cram into my brain so it was a mistake to think that it is so easy to score..yes I know my math sucked,and its not like I didnt try hard enough ok.I did ALL the practice questions in the ten years series under all the topics tested and I found it managable..so dont force a logical explanation out from me of why my math have deteriorate to such level,im still trying hard ok,just give me one more chance. As for GP,yes it my fault that I dont read that much..and ok I'll start reading and do whatever it is to improve my GP marks..then again,just please lay off and give me some space because no matter what you say right now is gona change my term exams results.
whatever then,Im so tired of all these.everytime I try hard(well maybe not hard enough for you)I try to do it for myself and YOU but it never seem to be enough huh.I still vividly remember the last time I wanted to give you a pouch that I specially made myself,and you gave it away to someone else,saying that you wont have the need to use such thing.well probably it was my fault for not thinking for your account if you would need such things,because at the moment when i made it,I just wanted to make it for you,and I was thinking probably you could have used it to put something like keys or whatever.but nevermind.I got it back to myself eventually,and now I dont know where it is anymore.besides what stays in the past remains in the past,I dont want to be such an ass and so petty to bring it all up and start counting debts as if you owe me something.No,i do not hold grudges like these againts you and you certainly dont owe me anything,its just that circumstances make me feel this way and its inevitable you see..so its just a matter of time to let all these feeling pass and fade away.
I guess I never will understand what is the true meaning behind all those lines.or is the true meaning so simple,and that I have been reading between the lines too much all the time when the answer is just simply put right in front of me?I dont know.and I think Im too scared to know,because there is only two possibility outcomes if I ever try..and to me,what I desire and wish so deeply from us is too precious that I dont want to risk losing it,even though I dont have much of it right now.sometimes I dream that you would just come to me and tell me everything was wrong,and all that i perceive and understood was just a mistake and none of us ever meant that way.I wish you could just hold me and tell me everything is going to be ok and we'll be normal once again.At times i wish Im just wrong,and all the worst scnarios that Ive ever imagine would never happen because Im just being too paranoid worrying about this.
I need an answer.
whatever then,Im so tired of all these.everytime I try hard(well maybe not hard enough for you)I try to do it for myself and YOU but it never seem to be enough huh.I still vividly remember the last time I wanted to give you a pouch that I specially made myself,and you gave it away to someone else,saying that you wont have the need to use such thing.well probably it was my fault for not thinking for your account if you would need such things,because at the moment when i made it,I just wanted to make it for you,and I was thinking probably you could have used it to put something like keys or whatever.but nevermind.I got it back to myself eventually,and now I dont know where it is anymore.besides what stays in the past remains in the past,I dont want to be such an ass and so petty to bring it all up and start counting debts as if you owe me something.No,i do not hold grudges like these againts you and you certainly dont owe me anything,its just that circumstances make me feel this way and its inevitable you see..so its just a matter of time to let all these feeling pass and fade away.
I guess I never will understand what is the true meaning behind all those lines.or is the true meaning so simple,and that I have been reading between the lines too much all the time when the answer is just simply put right in front of me?I dont know.and I think Im too scared to know,because there is only two possibility outcomes if I ever try..and to me,what I desire and wish so deeply from us is too precious that I dont want to risk losing it,even though I dont have much of it right now.sometimes I dream that you would just come to me and tell me everything was wrong,and all that i perceive and understood was just a mistake and none of us ever meant that way.I wish you could just hold me and tell me everything is going to be ok and we'll be normal once again.At times i wish Im just wrong,and all the worst scnarios that Ive ever imagine would never happen because Im just being too paranoid worrying about this.
I need an answer.
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